‘Othering’ and Reconciliation
We know that people have differences. We each have
specific characteristics that separate us and bring human variation. It isn’t
unusual then for people with the same characteristics to bond and relate to one
another, creating a group mentality. When we are part of any group it forms a
part of our identity, and our pride in this causes us to view people who are
outside of this group or, the ‘Other’, as alien to us. Although this can
operate on the level of how we perceive supporters of a different football
club, it also accounts for our failure to view people from different sectors of
society as people, with experiences, history and personalities.
Group-based identities are fundamental to the nature of conflict. This is the
basis of territorial disputes, sectarian violence, war and racism to
body-shaming and sexism.
There always tends to be tension in the dynamics between members of
social opposites. This dynamic is double-ended and fluid, yet it can’t be
ignored that often the dominant group in each conflict will tend to wield more
socio-economic power. This creates a paradigm where those on the less dominant
side of the spectrum can feel pressure to assimilate into the dominant,
powerful side (for the according power, validation or simply survival) which
makes the understanding of the ‘other’ very nuanced. Our perspectives of the
‘other’ depend on the lens through which we are observing; are different social
groups unconsciously (or deliberately) seen as lesser, low-ranking, or valued
and aspirational - or just unknown?
What is for certain is that the othering of certain demographics or
cultures by those in positions of privilege can be detrimental. This applies to
every festival or fancy dress costume party where it is easy for some to exploit customs they don’t understand, and most importantly,
don’t care or need to understand. In fact, these people are
often under the ridiculous assumption that they are being appreciative,
creating a connection and “getting involved” with a different culture when
truthfully, it is just another opportunity to reinforce a superiority complex
and the comfortability to insert oneself into any space for personal benefit. When ignorance is bliss, other social groups can be pushed into boxes and
caricatures simply for entertainment or when it’s
time to get ‘down with the hood’ and slum it with the lower social groups. They
don’t have to properly understand and value people from other
backgrounds to live a pleasant and successful life. Whereas, as indicated
earlier regarding people on opposite ends of social spectrums (who are most
affected by negative othering), they are pressured to assimilate – understanding
dominant cultures tends to be synonymous with socio-economic success. This is
manifested in the struggles of immigrant families, poorer people, those not in
nuclear/conjugal families, ethnic minorities or people with disabilities, for
instance.
In terms of more blatant racism and othering, it is easier to form
harmful stereotypes of other people when you perceive them as scary, distant,
far-away, untouchable people. This separation and lack of dialogue cultivates
irrational, disconnected views of others. Let’s face it, many of the people who
think Muslims are terrorists and that all feminine men are gay have never
actually been around someone who is Muslim or a feminine man. This ignorance
hurts real people, not just labels for people. The “us” vs “them” rhetoric is
unfortunately divisive and is commonly used to maintain one group’s superiority
over the other, even when this is unintentional (but most dramatically when it
is).
On the other hand, can you blame people for not growing up in diverse
areas and for having a conditioned view of normalcy? Is it people’s fault that
their only experience with those from different backgrounds to them is through
TV, sensationalised news or works of fiction? The part that ‘team’
classification plays in our everyday perception of people is one that most of
the time occurs without us (even generally inclusive, non-problematic people)
realising. For instance, when we watch Comic Relief and charity advertisements
on TV and see emaciated, weeping children from deprived villages in Zimbabwe,
we are triggered to unconsciously form associations between Zimbabwe and
poverty. Especially when this is a sole representation constantly fed to us through
various media outlets, over many years. It’s easy to see those children not as
kids with their own world views, dreams and personalities but as starving
untouchables who we must save. We feel so sad for them and
take so much pity on them and couldn’t
imagine living like they do.
That’s why when we donate to charities, it’s easy to feel like a hero.
In my opinion, we are conditioned to want this heroism by the organisations
that coordinate these adverts and charity specials, to maintain the security of
a socially superior West. Other countries are intentionally represented as
poverty-stricken or only good for beaches or safaris. Our perception of people
in these places is contrived and kept distant to uphold our social status. What
we innocently view as a selfless, kind act is an internal affirmation of our
saviour complexes. I don’t think we can always claim altruism, when our
interactions with other groups or cultures can be sanctimonious and is fuelled
by and designed to maintain our privilege. It’s a nasty and possibly innate cognitive
mechanism that no one wants to hear about but I think it’s an example of how
othering, whether intentional or not, is everywhere and shouldn’t be reduced to
instances of direct racism - despite their important connection.
So, what do I do now? How does anyone reconcile this information? What
is the best way to positively regulate our perception of and interactions with
the ‘other’? The other race, the other gender(s), other ages, other educational
backgrounds, other cities, other political stances or other lifestyles. I don’t know for sure.
What I do know, is that we don’t “love” the
problems away. I’m referencing Kanye West, whose current Trump-endorsing,
ignorant, narcissistic, empty, disconnected, manic, bored rich people rhetoric
is so ridiculous it deserves its own think-piece that I honestly can’t fathom
writing. But I reference it because, many people think that the way to bridge a
gap or interact with those on the opposite end of our spectrums is to just
“love” them. This really just means place a blanket over and picnic on top of
all the unspoken and unresolved disparities that cause a chasm in the first
place. Nothing changes. You’re still a Nazi, I’m still a nigger. We’re just
both smiling now.
I do think that our approach to other people should be one that involves
respect and gentleness. However, the idea that we should just “love” our
enemies is the most patronising, sightless message. When Kanye West tells Black
Americans and other marginalised groups of American society that if they don’t
“love” Trump and what his administration represents they are closed-minded,
have a victim mentality and aren’t “free thinkers”, it’s very, very sad. Free
“love” that doesn’t accompany or foster dialogue, awareness, discernment,
change and widely, social reform, isn’t worth giving. Why “love” and neglect
the fundamental concerns we have of each other that won’t disappear? While
we’re busy loving each other, my people are still dying. It’s like a foot is
standing on my neck and I’m screaming, “My neck hurts, please get off!” and
they reply “Why are you so loud? I love you”. Then I say, “I love you too,” as
my oesophagus and larynx collapse.
When we gloss over and don’t speak about the issues that result in our
differences, the issues continue. This almost always results in people at one
end enduring destructive consequences. Except this time, they’re conditioned to
think that they’re being given a favour and that everyone is friends. This is
why we can’t trust people who “don’t see colour”, gender, disability or
whatever the polarity is. If you can’t see them, you can’t see how you hurt
them. That’s probably the first thing we should have in mind when interacting
with those different to us: trying to understand who they are and where they’re
coming from and that they are a person with their own experiences, upbringing,
personality, and values. That they are a person, and not an alien, a number, a
costume, a fetish, the background noise of your holiday destination, a TV
character or a stereotype. A person, just like ourselves.
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